


a love song for someone else

by hereonourstreet



Category: Given (Anime), Given (Manga)
Genre: High School, M/M, Not Beta Read, POV Second Person, Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-13
Updated: 2020-03-13
Packaged: 2021-02-28 18:21:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,005
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23131612
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hereonourstreet/pseuds/hereonourstreet
Summary: In some moments, you remember that you're not his first; in others, you only care that he's your now.(Uenoyama reflects on his feelings. Not really angsty even though it sounds like it is... it's pretty cutesy actually. Also no there is not a typo in the summary, 'your' is meant to be singular, I am very poetic.)
Relationships: Satou Mafuyu/Uenoyama Ritsuka
Comments: 6
Kudos: 46





	a love song for someone else

**Author's Note:**

> 1\. i'm up to date on the manga but i may have taken inadvertent liberties because it's hard to keep everything straight  
> 2\. i'm an ugetsu main but he's gonna be hard to write so idk if i'll ever write him  
> 3\. i'm an adult living vicariously through these two because they have the sweet, gay relationship i really wish i could've had at their age  
> 4\. YES this is present tense second person... i get why people don't like it but if that's you then just don't read it. i sincerely don't need another comment about hating second person ("i usually don't like second person but i loved this" is nice but "i would've liked this better in third person" just,)

Maybe it would be more romantic to say you could remember, but if you’re being honest, you don’t think you can recall the first time you saw him smile at you. You can remember the first time his smile made your heart skip a beat; the first time he made you melt into a puddle of nothingness; the first time it was difficult to hide that you had more than an ordinary reaction to the way he lit up around you. Yeah, you remember the times it mattered, but no… you may not know the first time Mafuyu actually smiled at you. 

It didn’t really matter yet. He probably smiled at you a few times before the one you remember. In the stairwell as he slept, surprised - and happy? - to see you. Yes, he was happy to see you. That’s why people smile. He stirred awake, saw you, said your name. You were startled. So startled that you’re sure your face flattened into shock - you weren’t shocked at what happened but rather how you felt once it did. That was the first time you realized something about him made you feel a way you never had before. 

You were grateful for the brief conversation with your drummer, someone you didn’t necessarily consider your role model but knew what to say nonetheless. Eventually. In reality, it wasn’t that you’d never felt that way about another guy before. It was that you’d never felt that way, period. No one had ever set your world so on fire the way Mafuyu did with just one smile. The way he continues to do so. 

He was so worried about his feelings. About his inability to express himself. You never pointed out that he was pretty exuberant the day you met when he discovered broken strings could be mended. You never mentioned that his following you down the street and hiding behind a pole sort of betrayed his emotions, too. You never let on that even though he was mostly a mystery to you - to everyone - you also understood one thing: he had something deep inside that he  _ wanted  _ to access. It was never that he was empty. It was that he wasn’t.

That’s what bothered you. 

You never wanted to hear him write a love song meant for someone else. You didn’t mind he couldn’t get those words down. You knew it was selfish - you knew it would be better for his sake to get those emotions out. But the fact remained that while he struggled to express feelings for a boy you’d never meet, you had feelings of your own, and they were all for him. It was hard for you to feel like the two of you weren’t close, but hearing about the boy he lost really sent you on a tailspin of uncertainty. Were you making it up? Was he ever in love with you? Did you just see what you wanted to see? Maybe he never reciprocated and you were just a fool to think of him as anything but a very close friend - and bandmate. 

But now you sit across from him with your other bandmates as you make a list of something you’ve forgotten because he smiles. He looks up and you’ve done or said or written something that amuses him enough to pull a smile to his lips, directed at you. All the warm light within him is brought out and it’s meant for  _ you.  _ That’s what sends you into the atmosphere and maybe no one else notices, but you feel like the flush in your face is noticeable from space. Or maybe everyone’s noticed, but if Haruki is giving you that angry, uncomfortable look; if Kaji-san is staring at you harshly - you wouldn’t know. Because all you can focus on right now is Mafuyu and just how much your heart swells when you realize he’s smiling at  _ you.  _

There’s a less than appropriate version of this, too. It’s when you think about how cute he is - how attracted to him you are - and realize for the thousandth time that he’ll kiss you if you want him to. He'll let you kiss him. He  _ has  _ let you kiss him, when either of you least expected it - hell, you didn’t even realize you’d done it until the next day. And you wonder what it may be like to do more than kiss him someday, or how much more than kissing he ever did with the boy he lost, but that’s led to some thoughts you’d rather not have in public - really, you’d rather not have them at all, but you suppose your hormones will override you at some point - so you quickly stomp your foot down to distract yourself. You grab the attention of everyone else in the process, causing Mafuyu’s smile to disappear, replaced with a furrow of confusion instead. That’s okay though, because he’ll smile at you again eventually.

He may seem like he has a handle on his emotions since he hardly shows them, but you all know at this point that it’s quite the opposite. Not expressing his feelings is just as bad as overexpressing, and you want to be the one to help him figure that out. You want to be the one he kisses but you also want to be the one he trusts. You want him to want you, to allow you in, even just a little bit, and you’ll do the same in return. So when he stops by your place afterwards to pick up a CD, you ask him if he’d ever want you to take him out - like on a date or something. He doesn’t do or say much at first and Haruki is in your head, reminding you not to let anyone know you’d be doing something like that in the first place. 

But he doesn’t bring that up. He just says yes, he’d like to do that, and then he smiles. He smiles and you know that it’s just for you.  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> you can find me on my [fandom twitter](https://twitter.com/5H1R0G4N3) and if you're over 18 and would like to scream about given, ESPECIALLY Ugetsu, PLEASE get at me!!! i have no given friends and i really need to talk about it


End file.
